'The Mechanic' Miguel Angel Jimenez Warms Up On The Range with commentary from Peter Alliss

Miguel Ángel Jiménez is easily in my top five favourite golfers of all time. This just may have put him into the top three.

Kicking Back At Celtic Manor 2010. Job Done.

Last Of The Mohicans 'An Evening With Alliss'

Peter Alliss once held the record of being the heaviest baby in Europe, weighing in at 14lbs & 11 ounces. His father, Percy, head pro at a German golf club, gave a few Nazi's some lessons, purposely leaving them with a 'wicked incurable slice'. Between 1954 & 1969 Peter won 21 tournaments, including three British PGA championships - and was twice winner of the Vardon Trophy. He has a 43% Ryder Cup winning record. On occasion he still wears his 2004 Oakland Hills Ryder Cup bomber jacket.

‘An Evening With Alliss’ is pretty much what you would expect (and want) from a man who has earned his living for over 50 years playing & talking about his life passion. The above paragraph is pretty much a condensed version of the first 15 minutes of the show, apart from the bomber jacket bit. That one’s mine. (I bumped into Peter at Woburn Abbey a couple of years ago, just as he walked into the bar rocking that jacket like an octogenarian P Diddy)

Like Dave Allen, all he has onstage is a stool, a jug of water and unfortunately a pretty crap quality microphone. The timbre of his dulcet tones are reduced to a shadow of its BBC HD audio counterpart. That aside, Alliss is a great raconteur, expanding on stories that he may have told a thousand times, but I fancy he recounts them with a wicked freshness to every new audience. (Tonight's is the 41st on this tour) He has clearly enjoyed his life in golf, and maintains that golfers from yesteryear were the best technical players to have ever played the game, (& when he explains why, it’s hard to disagree with him). He does however hold some of the modern players in high regard. Seve, for instance is dearly loved by Alliss, & when someone in the Q+A section of the evening asks about Tiger’s shenanigans, he simply replies “Tiger was like a celibate monk compared to Seve” 

As my friend Tom & I were racking our brains to try and think of good, provoking questions to ask, Tom pondered “Is it possible to be a truly great player & a gentleman?” Peter was already kind of answering that one, as he was currently waxing lyrical about the great Jack Nicklaus. I wanted to ask him, “Who in the current crop of commentators or pundits, from either the BBC or Sky, did he think could fill his off the cuff, meandering, tan moccasins when he finally retires?”

After tonight’s show, I didn't need to ask. No-one can. Who else could come out with one of my favourite ‘Allissisms’ from last years Open Championship at Royal St Georges;

“Oooh, what a wonderful old clubhouse, I could just imagine looking through the windows and watching the Colonel bash one off”

Thanks Peter.

                                          Picture Tom Cox ©

 If you would like to support any of Peters charities, please click here thank you.

Darren Clarke, Oddjob's & White Drivers

It was a pleasant surprise for me to see Darren Clarke in the winner’s enclosure after 3 years, and back in the World's Top 100 again (85th). I have always enjoyed watching Clarke play; he is an amazing ball striker with a great touch for a big man. I followed him round The Belfry a few years ago at The Quinn Masters, and again at The Welsh Open in 2008. He was a joy to watch, laughing and joking with the crowd, but ultimately playing sublime golf. It's a shame he hasn't been in contention much, but obviously with his personal life regaining some normality after 5 years, it's not a surprise he is beginning to enjoy golf and regain some form.

Clarke trailed England's Chris Wood by four strokes going into the final round of the Iberdrola Open but he carded a 69, this helped him to record a three-shot victory as Wood ultimately shot 6 over. Clarke has not tasted victory since winning the 2008 KLM Open, this victory has convinced him that he can still compete at the highest level and he is playing plenty of tournaments to get back into the top 50.

"I feel there is a lot of golf left in me. I need to get the consistency back again”

"I would like to qualify for another Ryder Cup team and another win would take me back into the top 50. It was nice to win again but I want to be doing it more frequently."

The Northern Irishman has not played in the Ryder Cup since helping Europe to victory at The K Club in 2006 and surely is a definite shoe in as a future captain. "My swing is getting better and better. If I can get myself into contention to win, then great, and I can get up the world rankings again."

Darren paid tribute to golfing great Seve Ballesteros as the Dungannon man ended his three-year wait for a tournament victory in Spain. It was a poignant victory for Clarke - his first since the Dutch Open in 2008 - coming as it did in Ballesteros' homeland in the aftermath of the Spanish superstar's death last week. "We wouldn't be here without him, simple as that - the European Tour would not be in the position it is today without Seve"

A Ryder Cup comeback for 2012 maybe? I wouldn’t bet against it. 

K J Choi holds his nerve to win The Players. Choi, the first Asian to win golf's unofficial fifth major, was understandably delighted to claim his eighth victory in the US, more than any other Asian player. "For some reason I felt so comfortable out there," said Choi. "The swing I have right now just doesn't break down under pressure situations. "I was able to be precise and aggressive and keep my rhythm together and that is what brought this performance."

I did however miss Alliss comparing him to OddJob, like he inappropriately does at every Masters.....

After reading loads of good reviews and a quick test of a friends club, I am seriously considering getting one of these bad boys. It did seem a bit dead off the face in terms of feedback, but boy, did it fly.

Van Morrison Into The Mystic

Funky....

Some edited snapshots of last season Nov 2009 - September 2010

Woburn Abbey October 2010

And to finish the day off in walked Peter Alliss (I scream like a girl) to the clubhouse to see his pal Alex Hay. He took the time out to chat to me and my friend Tom for about 10 minutes…what a legend. He was also rocking a 2004 Ryder Cup Bomber Jacket golf gangsta style. His ageing posse right behind him, he looked a geriatric 'Ice T' on his way to Lichfield on the Midland leg of his “One Night With Alliss” tour. Peter gave me a nice little wave goodbye as he screeched out the car park in his 5 door saloon at 5mph. I tried to get a ticket for his final date in Cheltenham last week (Jan 14th 2011) who would have guessed it would be easier to get a ticket for Led Zeppelin at the O2!

Hooters Golf Day Nottinghamshire Gc (Formerly Cotgrave Hall) September 2010

We eventually arrived at Hooters at 10.30am, & not wanting to spoil the day's golf we got stuck into the free Magners immediately. (tee off @ 2pm). A fourball betterball three quarter hcp event. The course was in reasonable condition if a little dull from a design point of view. It made up for it by playing off the very back tees. I think even some of the members didn’t know where they were as they were hidden behind trees way back from the yellows. On the 10th hole I spied William Hunt on the terrace, & went over to say hello. A really nice guy who loves his golf and has powerful mystical trilby mojo. He was admiring the boot-cut strides I was sporting and asked if I fancied entering the trilby tour in 2011. Maybe Bill, just maybe.

I played okay, coming in on at least 14 holes, but it was still a poor score…+2. The “winning” score of -17 by a bunch of high handicappers seemed unlikely giving the fact booze was plied at us every hole (free of course), but we all know the crack at these type of events.....(bandits,rule bending,cheating)....A good day, but it did help having a little Hooters caddy supply 'flag tending' and 'booze duty' all the way round!

August 2010 Og'd (over golfed)

I think I have plateaued with golf. The *wall* has been hit. Burnout. If I was a club thrower/smasher at least three would be in bits right now. Ten would be at the bottom of the lake on the 18th at Ombersley, one would be on the back of a flatbed passing through Worcester. I blame all this on shaving my beard off.

August 2010 Various Am-Am's

Walsall golf club. A great course, designed by Dr Alistair Mackenzie in 1907. It always looked intimidating from the dual carriageway as I drove past, with it's private road leading back to the black gates of No Entry. Pro in shop..”Alright mate, long time no see,..you’ve bulked up a bit, been hitting the gym”…Me” If by ‘hitting’ you mean swigging beer, and ‘gym’ you mean 2am curries, then yes” 

Am Am Oxley Park. August 2010

A very heavy Saturday night did not bode well on the first tee. Starter “You okay mate?”..Me..”Yeah, why?”..Starter ”You’ve still got your cowboy boots on”

Wedding Singer August 2010


I missed a comp at Harborne GC, due to going to attending a wedding at Nailcote Hall. It has a great par 3 course, I followed Jacklin and Willie Thorne round it in 2009. It's very tough, very tight, but a little gem. With the beer flowing, I went and stood by the first tee and watched a few people slap one down the 116yd 1st hole. Not one of them reached or hit the green, with a bit of bravado I asked to hit a shot..if they didn't mind. The guy on tee "Only got a 9 iron or a SW mate" Me.."Erm...no prob's a Sw cheers."...Other guy "If you hit the green with that, I'll give you a fiver". Cue a flushed shot to 8 feet wearing a safari suit & cuban heels....maybe a tad thin, but dancing! he never did give that fiver or a beer.......

Golf,golf, Judas Priest, golf June 2010

Highlight of the month was a game at Astbury Hall in Shropshire. A new course owned and designed by KK Downing of Judas Priest. I played with (Ken) KK & my friend, writer and golf journalist Tom Cox, author of Nice Jumper & Bring me the head of Sergio Garcia. A great afternoon peppered with funny stories & (sometimes) great golf. A really big thank you to Tom for the invite, & Ken for letting me hack around his beautiful course, it will a stunner when he opens this year. Tom’s article will appear on the ft.com address below soon. (hoping to go back this Spring 2011 for another blast with Ken & Tom)

Check out Tom's site for his other books & blogs  http://www.tom-cox.com/

KK's site    http://www.astburyhall.co.uk/home.html                               

Forest Of Arden March 2010

Played in a Pro Am on the Arden course. I wish I could of blamed my crap-ness off the tee on a man cold, but clearly that has nothing to do with a swing that resembled someone chopping wood in a telephone box. worst £85 I have ever spent golf wise, even worse than those crap Footjoys I really regretted........N.b. No deer were harmed in the thinned chip that followed this photo

February 2010 First 18 Of The Year

12 over par after 12 holes. Threatened beard with a west coast rapper goatee makeover. Shot 1 under gross for the last 6.

November 2009 Ombersley

Arrived at the course 9.18am, courtesy of traffic jam. Gravel set off like a tsunami as I screeched next to the 1st tee. Tee off at 9.24am. Boom, 250yds down the middle (surprise on my face), that set me up for a reasonable round of golf. Played with 2 guys I had never seen before. That's the best thing about comps, playing with new guys to impress with my silky golf skills (hah!). Terry and Des, two OAP chancer's with razor wit and plenty of good humoured banter in their armoury. Probably the best laugh I have had on 18 holes in ages. Des was a 75 year old who only took the game up 4 years ago, he loves it!. The downside (not really), to the amusement of Terry was that I was appointed spotter and finder of every shot!!! Terry was a retired barber who just loved playing golf, neither of them were bothered about the score, & in fact didn't know how to score stableford anyway. In fact it was the first comp in years they had played in. They thought I was Bubba Watson as I could hit it more than 200yds down the fairway. I played some great golf and some really bad golf, but overall pretty tight. My game improved on the last 6 holes where I switched to a pink Maxfli noodle & only dropped 1 shot coming in. 35pts overall (easily could have been another 5-6 pts, I four putted one green, 2 duffed drives and two crap P wedges). Final scores :- Terry (36pts) Des (31pts). They didn't even bother filling their cards in, they left that for me to do for them as they had to go and "do something". Turns out they were off to their local boozer! Rock & Roll golf from two OAP's!! 

You have reached your destination

Telford GC

The Tom-Tom told me my destination had been reached. If the entrance to the golf club was a single lane country road with a 10ft high thick hedge as an entrance, then yes, I had indeed reached my destination. To be fair to the sat-nav I could see a flag some 80yds away through dense undergrowth. Twenty minutes later and a further 2 miles travelled, feeling rushed, hot & sticky in chocolate brown Farah slacks, I realised the tee off was in 8 minutes! A dash to the range, I managed to bash 15 balls out. All went low and left apart from a shanked driver that nearly kneecapped the 5 year old boy chipping with his father on the grassed practice area. A good start then. 

I decided instead to try & enjoy the day after being pole-axed by *ManFlu* for nearly 3 weeks. The starter informed me the first drive warranted a slight fade. Great. What ensued was a sure fire pull hook into the driving range running parallel with the first fairway. “Is the range in play?” I asked quite seriously. He laughed and then realised I meant business, “Yes it is if you can find it” The provisional ball went right, low and about 30 yards into thick cabbage, never to be seen again. My first ball luckily went quite a distance so not many other balls were around in that area *60yds* left of the fairway. Wedge, wedge, sand shot & 2 putts sealed my double bogey six. Second hole a six. (Later checked my card & realised it was a par 5, not as bad after all). Pattern emerging here….then boom! A thinned 7 iron to a par 3 third hole ensured my four foot, two putt par. To be honest I didn’t hit a single groove in any club for about 10 holes, but the back nine was a little better, scoring 18pts.

I came in with 32 points somehow, even coming second on countback! Marking the other scorecards I realised watching other groups out there just how bad the scoring was, people were looking for balls everywhere, there was some horrific golf being played. I did see some interesting rulings being employed and unusual drops from players who had lost the will to live, let alone follow the letter of the law. I finished well finally hitting a few good tee shots, even having a chance at a few birdies, all missed of course.

The course is a Peter (steady...steady) Alliss design from 1976. It is longish off the yellows (approx 6,500yds) and tough. Not one to play in Winter if you are crooked off the tee, as leaves are everywhere and make locating your ball a pain & the ground doesn’t drain well at all. But, the greens were great. Large, undulating and very true. Only one green was bobbly and slow. Nicely designed with some good features and well positioned bunkers throughout, but one for the fair weather.