Friday 21 January 2011

Little Feat - Skin It Back

Thursday 20 January 2011

Some edited snapshots of last season Nov 2009 - September 2010



Woburn Abbey October 2010


And to finish the day off in walked Peter Alliss (I scream like a girl) to the clubhouse to see his pal Alex Hay. He took the time out to chat to me and my friend Tom for about 10 minutes…what a legend. He was also rocking a 2004 Ryder Cup Bomber Jacket golf gangsta style. His ageing posse right behind him, he looked a geriatric 'Ice T' on his way to Lichfield on the Midland leg of his “One Night With Alliss” tour. Peter gave me a nice little wave goodbye as he screeched out the car park in his 5 door saloon at 5mph. I tried to get a ticket for his final date in Cheltenham last week (Jan 14th 2011) who would have guessed it would be easier to get a ticket for Led Zeppelin at the O2!

Hooters Golf Day Nottinghamshire Gc (Formerly Cotgrave Hall) September 2010

We eventually arrived at Hooters at 10.30am, & not wanting to spoil the day's golf we got stuck into the free Magners immediately. (tee off @ 2pm). A fourball betterball three quarter hcp event. The course was in reasonable condition if a little dull from a design point of view. It made up for it by playing off the very back tees. I think even some of the members didn’t know where they were as they were hidden behind trees way back from the yellows. On the 10th hole I spied William Hunt on the terrace, & went over to say hello. A really nice guy who loves his golf and has powerful mystical trilby mojo. He was admiring the boot-cut strides I was sporting and asked if I fancied entering the trilby tour in 2011. Maybe Bill, just maybe.


I played okay, coming in on at least 14 holes, but it was still a poor score…+2. The “winning” score of -17 by a bunch of high handicappers seemed unlikely giving the fact booze was plied at us every hole (free of course), but we all know the crack at these type of events.....(bandits,rule bending,cheating)....A good day, but it did help having a little Hooters caddy supply 'flag tending' and 'booze duty' all the way round!

August 2010 Og'd (over golfed)

I think I have plateaued with golf. The *wall* has been hit. Burnout. If I was a club thrower/smasher at least three would be in bits right now. Ten would be at the bottom of the lake on the 18th at Ombersley, one would be on the back of a flatbed passing through Worcester. I blame all this on shaving my beard off.

August 2010 Various Am-Am's

Walsall golf club. A great course, designed by Dr Alistair Mackenzie in 1907. It always looked intimidating from the dual carriageway as I drove past, with it's private road leading back to the black gates of No Entry. Pro in shop..”Alright mate, long time no see,..you’ve bulked up a bit, been hitting the gym”…Me” If by ‘hitting’ you mean swigging beer, and ‘gym’ you mean 2am curries, then yes” 

Am Am Oxley Park. August 2010


A very heavy Saturday night did not bode well on the first tee. Starter “You okay mate?”..Me..”Yeah, why?”..Starter ”You’ve still got your cowboy boots on”

Wedding Singer August 2010


I missed a comp at Harborne GC, due to going to attending a wedding at Nailcote Hall. It has a great par 3 course, I followed Jacklin and Willie Thorne round it in 2009. It's very tough, very tight, but a little gem. With the beer flowing, I went and stood by the first tee and watched a few people slap one down the 116yd 1st hole. Not one of them reached or hit the green, with a bit of bravado I asked to hit a shot..if they didn't mind. The guy on tee "Only got a 9 iron or a SW mate" Me.."Erm...no prob's a Sw cheers."...Other guy "If you hit the green with that, I'll give you a fiver". Cue a flushed shot to 8 feet wearing a safari suit & cuban heels....maybe a tad thin, but dancing! he never did give that fiver or a beer.......

Golf,golf, Judas Priest, golf June 2010


Highlight of the month was a game at Astbury Hall in Shropshire. A new course owned and designed by KK Downing of Judas Priest. I played with (Ken) KK & my friend, writer and golf journalist Tom Cox, author of Nice Jumper & Bring me the head of Sergio Garcia. A great afternoon peppered with funny stories & (sometimes) great golf. A really big thank you to Tom for the invite, & Ken for letting me hack around his beautiful course, it will a stunner when he opens this year. Tom’s article will appear on the ft.com address below soon. (hoping to go back this Spring 2011 for another blast with Ken & Tom)

Check out Tom's site for his other books & blogs  http://www.tom-cox.com/

KK's site    http://www.astburyhall.co.uk/home.html                               


Forest Of Arden March 2010


Played in a Pro Am on the Arden course. I wish I could of blamed my crap-ness off the tee on a man cold, but clearly that has nothing to do with a swing that resembled someone chopping wood in a telephone box. worst £85 I have ever spent golf wise, even worse than those crap Footjoys I really regretted........N.b. No deer were harmed in the thinned chip that followed this photo


February 2010 First 18 Of The Year
12 over par after 12 holes. Threatened beard with a west coast rapper goatee makeover. Shot 1 under gross for the last 6.

November 2009 Ombersley

Arrived at the course 9.18am, courtesy of traffic jam. Gravel set off like a tsunami as I screeched next to the 1st tee. Tee off at 9.24am. Boom, 250yds down the middle (surprise on my face), that set me up for a reasonable round of golf. Played with 2 guys I had never seen before. That's the best thing about comps, playing with new guys to impress with my silky golf skills (hah!). Terry and Des, two OAP chancer's with razor wit and plenty of good humoured banter in their armoury. Probably the best laugh I have had on 18 holes in ages. Des was a 75 year old who only took the game up 4 years ago, he loves it!. The downside (not really), to the amusement of Terry was that I was appointed spotter and finder of every shot!!! Terry was a retired barber who just loved playing golf, neither of them were bothered about the score, & in fact didn't know how to score stableford anyway. In fact it was the first comp in years they had played in. They thought I was Bubba Watson as I could hit it more than 200yds down the fairway. I played some great golf and some really bad golf, but overall pretty tight. My game improved on the last 6 holes where I switched to a pink Maxfli noodle & only dropped 1 shot coming in. 35pts overall (easily could have been another 5-6 pts, I four putted one green, 2 duffed drives and two crap P wedges). Final scores :- Terry (36pts) Des (31pts). They didn't even bother filling their cards in, they left that for me to do for them as they had to go and "do something". Turns out they were off to their local boozer! Rock & Roll golf from two OAP's!! 


Cissy Strut - The Meters

You have reached your destination


Telford GC



The Tom-Tom told me my destination had been reached. If the entrance to the golf club was a single lane country road with a 10ft high thick hedge as an entrance, then yes, I had indeed reached my destination. To be fair to the sat-nav I could see a flag some 80yds away through dense undergrowth. Twenty minutes later and a further 2 miles travelled, feeling rushed, hot & sticky in chocolate brown Farah slacks, I realised the tee off was in 8 minutes! A dash to the range, I managed to bash 15 balls out. All went low and left apart from a shanked driver that nearly kneecapped the 5 year old boy chipping with his father on the grassed practice area. A good start then. 


I decided instead to try & enjoy the day after being pole-axed by *ManFlu* for nearly 3 weeks. The starter informed me the first drive warranted a slight fade. Great. What ensued was a sure fire pull hook into the driving range running parallel with the first fairway. “Is the range in play?” I asked quite seriously. He laughed and then realised I meant business, “Yes it is if you can find it” The provisional ball went right, low and about 30 yards into thick cabbage, never to be seen again. My first ball luckily went quite a distance so not many other balls were around in that area *60yds* left of the fairway. Wedge, wedge, sand shot & 2 putts sealed my double bogey six. Second hole a six. (Later checked my card & realised it was a par 5, not as bad after all). Pattern emerging here….then boom! A thinned 7 iron to a par 3 third hole ensured my four foot, two putt par. To be honest I didn’t hit a single groove in any club for about 10 holes, but the back nine was a little better, scoring 18pts.

I came in with 32 points somehow, even coming second on countback! Marking the other scorecards I realised watching other groups out there just how bad the scoring was, people were looking for balls everywhere, there was some horrific golf being played. I did see some interesting rulings being employed and unusual drops from players who had lost the will to live, let alone follow the letter of the law. I finished well finally hitting a few good tee shots, even having a chance at a few birdies, all missed of course.



The course is a Peter (steady...steady) Alliss design from 1976. It is longish off the yellows (approx 6,500yds) and tough. Not one to play in Winter if you are crooked off the tee, as leaves are everywhere and make locating your ball a pain & the ground doesn’t drain well at all. But, the greens were great. Large, undulating and very true. Only one green was bobbly and slow. Nicely designed with some good features and well positioned bunkers throughout, but one for the fair weather.


Tuesday 11 January 2011

 
Don't Do It by the The Band.